Ever wished you could find that missing Manual for Living when you need it? Then you’ve come to the right place. Because this website is home to:
“HOW LIFE WORKS–OR AT LEAST IT CAN!”
A 6 Step Methodology for Living Effectively–
Regardless of Feelings and Circumstances
LIFE EFFECTIVENESS COACHING
By “Living Effectively”, I do NOT mean:
I DO mean:
A BRIEF EXAMPLE
When someone says something nasty to you, you probably have a lot of strong emotions, all at once–and none of them pleasant. What would your life be like if you could calmly say to yourself, “Gee, air just passed over someone’s vocal cords.”
You could, if you Contained your feelings as the sound waves registered in your brain and you could therefore consciously choose what importance and urgency you were WILLING to give those words—and respond accordingly.
In short, upsets are available every day. What would your life be like if most of the time, you could actually choose which upsets you are willing to give importance? And then deal effectively with the ones you choose to deal with?
This example may seem rather bland. But what if you allow “upsets” to include everything and anything that is especially challenging and important to you? Then using this methodology could change your life in powerful and positive ways.
For example, what might become of your relationship with your primary other (your boss, your children, you choose) if you could respond in this way? That is, without the typical “knee-jerk” reaction of just counter-attacking or shrinking away.
How many times of being able to respond in this way might radically alter your future relationship with this person? I’ll leave the math to you. The point is, using the methodology, you would gradually be able to more and more times.
Participation in this website could likely teach you how.
And even further, what if that “other person” was also learning how to use the methodology? What then becomes possible is like having the best “foxhole buddy” possible. Just imagine being in a partnership defined as two Real Adults, both committed to handling their own stuff, and supporting each other in doing that.
You don’t have to keep saying things like “Would you please watch where you point that damn thing!”
I can tell you from personal experience. It’s magical.
THIS WEBSITE IS FOR YOU IF…
INSIGHT ALONE JUST ISN’T CUTTING IT
You’ve worked on yourself long enough to know that you are your “own worst enemy”. Yet you can’t seem to find a way out of the battle.
You can already see what you are doing “wrong”, and find yourself powerless to do it any differently.
You are willing to accept even difficult input and make difficult changes if you believe it will help them move forward as you want and need to.
A SERIOUS LIFE CHALLENGE “HAS YOU BY THE THROAT”
Perhaps you dealing with circumstances and consequences that you can’t just avoid or ignore. And what you already know how to do doesn’t seem to be enough.
Common issues include:
UNIQUE TRAINING ELEMENTS
This training in a specific methodology is unique in 3 major ways:
1. VERBATIM SAMPLES OF ACTUAL COACHING SESSIONS
There are currently 4 samples to choose from and more will be added over time.
Learning how little it can take to effectively turn oneself or the situation around vastly increases confidence in the methodology. And most importantly, it increases confidence in both the methodology and your use of it in the real world.
3. INTRODUCTION TO “LONNIE LIZARD-BRAIN“
Relating to Lonnie makes it much easier to gain an understanding of both the positive and negative benefits of our unconscious. He fully depicts the “roguish child” nature of the unconscious. And he helps teach how to relate with such a child by taking him in hand the same way one would respect taking charge of a nuclear power plant.
- To generate a virtual community of mutual support in learning to live as Real Adults through use of the manual.
- Ongoing discussion about experiences in using the manual’s methodology
- Participants becoming contributors and co-developers in extending the scope and usefulness of the manual and its methodology
- Support for “real time/real world” training group environment that includes access to individual and group coaching.
GOAL OF THE MANUAL
The manual describes a very specific, clear and highly teachable methodology that enables you to live as a what I call a Real Adult [LINKS] as opposed to a Pseudo-Adult. The manual has a great deal to say about this. For now, I simply want to highlight the power of the difference between Real Adults and Pseudo-Adults.
The point is how this framework alters the effectiveness of one’s personal efforts to change. Because it has more to do with learning to work WITH how we work as humans rather than trying to change or fight it.
This allows for developing wisdom about what one can always do no matter what else one can’t do: at least not make things worse. It also trains patience, tolerance, and skill in dealing with two huge obstacles to keeping going: failure, and uncertainty about the future.
The list of differences between Real Adult and Pseudo-Adult goes on. But the best place to learn more about them is by reading the manual. My goal here has been to help you understand why living as a Real Adult is powerful and valuable, and interest you in learning more about it. I hope I have!
If you are interested in understanding more specifically about Pseudo-Adults, …Read more
“YOU MAKE IT SOUND SO SIMPLE”
This is not an unusual objection from someone hearing about the methodology for the first time. Along with, “Oh, sure, I get it. You’re talking about learning to control my feelings”.
Absolutely not. Both of these could not be further from the truth. I’ll only address the first here, and the manual responds quite well to the second.
All of the above material can be difficult to follow, but it’s laid out very clearly in the manual. None of above material lessens the value of gaining insight into ourselves and ways we may be making things worse. The point is simply to underscore why “independent” use of the manual is likely to be a setup for failure.
SOURCE OF THE MANUAL
This manual came about out of personal necessity over more than 30 years as a Clinical Psychologist, both in a university teaching hospital and in private practice (For CV, Click Here).
Over the past 10 years, I encountered a series of catastrophic circumstances in my personal life. These demanded that I either find a way to keep going or be crushed by the circumstances. I was only able to keep going by developing concepts and strategies that formed the beginning of the manual.
HOW THE MANUAL WORKS
THE BIGGEST PROBLEM in handling difficulties in living is not understanding what the real problem is.
As the once famous cartoon character Pogo put it, “We have met the enemy, and he is us!” (REF)
If you have lived long enough, you probably already know some version of this truth from your own experience. You might recognize things like:
- “I know I should…but just can’t get myself do it”.
- “My gosh, after all that therapy and all those incredible insights, I still can’t…
- (fill in your favorite examples)
In short, we often do have a basic understanding of the real problem: It’s not just the circumstances. It’s (mostly) us getting in our own way without knowing it.
WHAT’S BEEN LACKING is knowing how to make practical use of this understanding.
This website dares claim to be an excellent start on filling that gap in knowledge.
SOME DESCRIPTORS OF THE MANUAL
It works (avg. 5-star rating with 11 reviews) (See Reviews)
Extremely teachable and informative
Straightforward, clear, and precise language
Easy to understand and enjoyable to read
Applies to any type of difficulty in living in any context
So directly applicable to your particular needs and circumstances
EXAMPLES OF WHAT THE MANUAL TEACHES YOU
A common-sense, research-based framework for understanding emotions
The power of emotions over thinking and perception
How to deal with reality rather than just how we feel about it
How to access Real thinking when you are so upset that you can’t
Introducing Lonnie Lizard-Brain–Humanity’s Great (Unconscious) Protector
HOW TO GET STARTED
My personal recommendation is that early on, you read Episode One of “How Life Works–or at least it Can!” (20 min. read time).[LINK] This will give you a flavor of the writing style and content you can expect on this Website. It will also give you the basic context and vocabulary that are essential to further discussion together via posts and comments.
3 WAYS TO PARTICIPATE
- Standard blog and mediated public forum via posts, comments and responses on this website
- Securely protected and mediated text/voice/video discussions at no cost for participation or for the required app (download and install “DISCORD” on phone &/or computer–Requires wifi access)
- Gives option of simultaneous private discussions
- Between individual or multiple participants and/or Coach.
- Fee-based Individual and (eventually) Group Coaching by video call
The main purpose of the site’s blog (“Walking the Talk“) is to present the manual and methodology in more “bite-sized” chunks over time. The goal is to generate comments and responses that will help shape additional ways to explain and broaden the material. In this sense, participants become virtual co-creators in further developing the manual’s scope and substance over time.
COACHING FOR YOURSELF
If you are considering coaching for yourself, you will find a great deal of information designed to help in making your choice (e,g. THE MANUAL, COACHING, THE COACH, and WHO CAN BENEFIT).
ADMIN STUFF gives you fees and services and the registration process.
There is also a TOOL KIT, which includes a GLOSSARY OF USEFUL NOTIONS, along with specific strategies and techniques for managing ourselves in the face of strong emotion. INSPIRATION access to this site’s accompanying Pinterest Boards. It also includes two poems: the well know and ever comforting “Desiderata”, and my own “Desiderata of Emotional Armageddons (Including Grief)”.
WHERE TO GO FROM HERE?
A VISION AND INVITATION TO SHARE
For reasons that are explained in the manual,