Hello, my name is Joseph Dane, and I am delighted at the possibility of our becoming acquainted. Because I believe that I can provide something here that you will find useful and effective and are unlikely to find elsewhere.
I am 71 years old and am in the 15th year of my second marriage. I ended my previous 31 year marriage 15 years ago–after 16 years of mutual attempts at resolving that relationship. I am still good friends with my first wife, and my now wife and I occasionally visit with her and her bo, whom I like very much.
I am a Clinical Psychologist and no longer licensed, by circumstance and by choice. I am now retired from my a 35-year career of 21 years at the University of Virginia Medical Center in Charlottesville, where I have lived since 1980. I then enjoyed 15 years of very successful private practice. I discuss my licensure status elsewhere on this website in detail, so I won’t address that now.
And I will say now, licensure would literally not have allowed me to accomplish what I intend to accomplish. Because for reasons I discuss elsewhere, licensure is incompatible with how I coach. And not having licensure removed obstacles I would never have overcome otherwise. Sometimes the universe drags us kicking and screaming into actually doing (or not) what we said we wanted to do.
From rigorous and multiple years training in the University of Life Graduate Program, I have come to know that Magic is real, that it seems to require chaos to operate most effectively (makes it easier to put the same old basic elements back together in a new way). And, I’ve learned the hard way not to count on it solely in any given instance. Just live that our attitudes and behavior are attracting how and who we are being. Good vibes attract good vibes, bad attract bad.
More in later my blogs about the endlessly repeated instances of good (and not so good) things which have happened repeatedly over the last 15 years of my life–against literally incalculable odds that it even could happen. And that doesn’t seem to have stopped. Only now I can work on generating not needing to be magically rescued at the last minute, which is perhaps what I had unwittingly been generating thus far.
So for better or for worse, the catastrophic circumstances I have lived through over those past 15 years (again, more on that in later blogs) have demanded that I learn to be way more effective, both emotionally and interpersonally than I had any interest in having to be. And circumstances continue to demand it. And I’m very glad, I think.
Regardless, I have developed over time a very specific, very effective, and very teachable methodology for living effectively–regardless of circumstances and feelings. I am satisfied that it works well with individuals, couples and families over a wide spectrum of personality styles and circumstances (see Reviews). I now want to attempt exporting this to the world at large, and see if what I think can happen might just be possible.
My goal is to co-generate a virtual community of real, like enough minded individuals all committed to learning how to be and remain what I term a Real Adult vs. Pseudo-Adult. And together, we will gradually co-author (Wikipedia-style) a version of that instruction manual everyone is always missing. I’ve already begun writing it, and it’s entitled, “How Life Works (or at least it can!)”*. And if the Boot Camp for applicants to the nascent International Services for Emotional and Interpersonal Safety is successful, it will be around for some time to come, working to alter how human beings treat each other–and more importantly, themselves.
Potentially grandiose if not absurdly arrogant, all this, I agree. And the legacy I dare hope to leave is a brick and mortar residential campus where individuals, couples, and families can come for immersion in this training for a week or more at a time. Hell, multiple campuses, all over the world!
Hope you’re interested. And even if you aren’t into grandiosity, I believe you would find this methodology to be remarkably effective in your own life. Just imagine being able to manage your emotions long enough to do Real Thinking and consciously act accordingly, regardless of what you feel at any given moment. Someone says something really nasty to you, and whatever your feelings about what they said, you can relax into “Gee, air just passed over vocal chords.” And then you can choose whether to even give it meaning.
‘, assuming general competency and partnership, wat else is really needed? Granted, at it’s best, it can only be an art form. But then, Michael Angelo and his kind didn’t do so badly.
In any case, I look forward to getting to know you, because best I can tell, we sure do need some Real Adults out there.
Joseph Dane, PhD
Founder of “Compassionate Hardball” website, and of the nascent International Services for Emotional and Interpersonal Safety and Effectiveness (ISEISE).
* ©JRDPhD 2016