Client A (“CA”) is a 48-year-old woman that I had seen for individual therapy for approximately one and a half years before she chose to continue working with me as her Life Coach (LC) as distinct from her therapist. She is currently still in coaching with me. She is married, has children, and works full time.
Be able to Contain her emotions and do Real Thinking in order to: (1) improve her relationships, especially at work and with her immediate family, and (2) be more at peace with herself in day to day living.
Samples From In The Beginning
CA My husband brought that on himself when he wouldn’t listen to me back then when I tried I opened completely up to him about my feelings. Sure mom might have been or might be the reason I have held it against him so many years. Should I do as you told me you try to do. Sure if I want to start resolving all these emotions I keep buried so deep. Easier said than done. That’s something as I said I will have to give a lot of thought too. He being my husband would probably be the best place to start. I just have to convince myself ALOT to really want to risk being hurt all over again if his response is not what I want to hear. What if my if my it’s not what on reality what it will be? How do I know realistically what his response should be. What if I expect more than he can give??? Idk
LC You mean you’re only willing to initiate something if you already know the outcome? Don’t blame that desire and just haven’t seen life works that way i.e. we have to decide whether we’re going to trust or not. And it’s legit to decide not to. And it’s probably important to appreciate just how ambivalent you are. Which is fine, just don’t give yourself the luxury of putting that on him as opposed to your own internal process and fears. And the answer to your question is, as you say, something you will need to clarify as you can with yourself. And let me know if I can help.
CA I’m not putting the response in him. What I’m saying what if I expect a different response than he gives me. Maybe I am expecting an unrealistic response because it has hurt me really deep the way he responded years ago. Maybe I’m expecting this huge emotional response and I just get I’m sorry. In my mind that wouldn’t be enough.
LC Got it, and do you have something in mind that WOULD be good enough?
CA I had that talk with my husband and all he could say was “I don’t always do the things I should. ” The only thing I could say to him was, well, I thought I would let you know what I was talking about. He says Thank you, I appreciate it. I just walked away.
Samples from the middle
CA Idk….I do know one thing, though. This stuff is taking over my life and I don’t like it one bit! I can’t keep on with all this emotions back and forth. Why in the heck do I have the courage for anything else life throws at me,but not this?? This is just totally starting to pissed me off to where I just want to say _ _ _ _ it!!!!
This anger feeling has a very tight grip on me at the moment!!!!! I am so very hard trying to get a handle on it ! I am going to get a handle on this. I will push as hard as I can with all my might to get it back down in the deepest depth of my soul. I have to get it together to get through my day.! I can do this, I have to do this! ……………
LC Ah, then you’re beginning to understand! Yes, it’s possible and likely.
As for why you might be angry. What have we been talking about? The source of the anger. And what are you afraid of most of all? Perhaps that if you let your emotions out, not only will you drown in them, you will destroy the universe in the process.
By the way, you won’t actually do either, you’ll just feel like it, and as you discover in expressing them gradually that you can tolerate feeling that you are afraid to and want to and actually don’t, you will begin to achieve a basis for the inner peace you are seeking.
Samples From Now
CA …also, had an interesting conversation with my daughter as my husband listen in on relationship. I love being on the other end. I have to say I did an outstanding job and was able to include my husband in on the conversation. He said he owes you quite a bit of $ meaning everything we basically talked about earlier I used for my daughter and I told him to go ahead and agree I wouldn’t be made what’s so ever. It was absolutely amazing I did a great job I didn’t even pause once it came out wonderfully. .. I see why you enjoy it so much.
I know I have a long ways to go on this subject but I believe I could really do something worth while in this area😆
Thank you so much for always opening my eyes to different things. .. even though I know at times it seems like I’m not listening…. I really am and you inspire me to do my best…
…Ok. My daughter started complaining about how her fiance never really speaks up and says what he feels and started bad mouthing him…. well that just opens the door wide open for me to say… have u ever thought he doesn’t because he knows if he does that whatever he says he’s going to get the rath of hell from you no matter what he says… he’s damn if he does and damn if he doesn’t so he just takes what u say to him and sucks it up because he has no idea what else to do… right honey (me talking to my husband and he smiles and shakes his head yes cause I say you (daughter ) sounds just like I used to be… right dear. Husband shakes,his head yes and I say it’s okay to say it I know I was like that but the thing is I’m trying not to be like that anymore. I needed someone neutral to point it out to me… and I fully admit I have treated you awful and am a complete control freak over things in our relationship. My daughter went absolutely bonkers.. you actually admit your a control freak!!!!! OMG I can’t believe it…. I said yes I have control issues and I fully admit to it.. you can’t change if u don’t see that you need to change and want too. I told her you need to set back and reflect on how you really treat him and be honest about it with yourself and if u really care about him no matter how hard it is you will be willing to admit your mistakes and willing to fix them and u need to do it sooner than later because you have your son that fits into this ratio as well and it will have a long-term effect on how u choose to continue this relationship . She responds I think I will need professional help on this. Anyway, it was a lot more to the conversation but this is the just of it.
10/30/16 (following two days of bantering texts between us)
CA The kid is coming out to play in us
LC Let’s hear it for the kids!
CA Yes, indeed. It feels good when they come out in the appropriate times. I think I may be sort of catching on about this.
LC Oh yeah! Big time. The only real value of real adults is that they CA n keep the world safe for the kids to play.
CA Oh yeah! This adult thing is really overrated…. I like being a happy kid… much better… so this is what it’s like to be one?!
LC If it ain’t, it’s a damn good approximation! As they say, “Works for me!”
CA Well, I am having more fun than I have in my entire life! Thank you so much!!!!
LC And I am ecstatic to hear it!
CA These last two days I have had more peace than I’ve ever had, too! It’s a wonderful feeling. I actually feel like I’m alive for once. Not just going through the motions.