DISCUSSION

For example, what might become of your relationship with your primary other (your boss, your children, you choose) if you could respond in this way?  That is, without the typical “knee-jerk” reaction of just counter-attacking or shrinking away.

Instead, suppose you take time to do Real Thinking about what this important partner coming at you this way. All this while Containing your feelings, whatever they might be, without having to do or say anything until you consciously chose to?

And when you did respond, you could remain calm, able to say the words you consciously chose.  As opposed to blurting out something you would regret and would be certain to make things worse.

This would enable you to come from a space of “empathic shift”.  That is, relating to the offending person from a space of genuine concern about what has them saying something the way they are. Rather than just from anger about the hurt they are causing you.

Responding this way can be extremely powerful in helping calm things down and potentially generate productive discussion. The more typical “default” response often escalates things to just one more all too familiar fight.

How many times of being able to respond in this way might radically alter your future relationship with this person?  I’ll leave the math to you.  The point is, using the methodology, you would gradually be able to more and more times.

Participation in this website could likely teach you how.

And even further, what if that “other person” was also learning how to use the methodology? What then becomes possible is like having the best “foxhole buddy” possible. Just imagine being in a partnership defined as two Real Adults, both committed to handling their own stuff, and supporting each other in doing that.

You don’t have to keep saying things like “Would you please watch where you point that damn thing!”

I can tell you from personal experience.  It’s magical.